In the ancient Indian context (Sanatana Dharma) – Lord Rama is the most ideal husband. And there is a very significant reason for this.
The reason is – His Ek-Patni (one-wife) committment!
In the whole history of Indian Mythology – it is only Lord Rama who was committed to ONE WIFE – he never married twice – he never had a SECOND WIFE or THIRD WIFE or many more wives as other Hindu Lords had!
Lord Ganesha had more than one wife.
Lord Krishna had more than one wife.
Lord Shiva had more than one wife.
Lord Vishnu had more than one wife.
However it is only Lord Rama who had one wife – he was totally committed to his consort – Sita. He never married twice – he remained committed to his first wife – Sita!
Many people across this human world read the holy scripture “Ramayana”. But many are not aware that there exists many versions of Ramayana – the most known are “Tulsi Ramayana” written by the great Saint Tulsidas and the much realistic Ramayana – written by the great Sage – Valmiki!
Tulsidas loved Rama so much that he cannot mention even the slightest weak point of Rama! However Valmiki has been able to do so – because he was not a devotee of Rama and so Saint Valmiki – in Valmiki Ramayana mentions that before getting married to Sita – Rama had seen her in a garden and at that moment itself he had fallen in love! So the love between Rama and Sita was a first sight love!
The marriage that happened between Rama and Sita was indeed a Love Marriage!
But the common man cannot digest this fact – and so Tulsidas had to do some modifications – so that it goes well with the common man.
When you understand that Rama Sita’s marriage is based on LOVE – Deep Love – you will realize why Rama never had to marry twice – he couldn’t because he was so much in love with Sita!
The whole point of this sharing is that you understand that the FIRST MARRIAGE is extremely significant than the SECOND MARRIAGE!
“How?” asked Mohan.
First Marriage is signified by the 7th house.
However Second Marriage is signified by 11th house!
And 11th house is the house of DESIRE.
You see – and RAHU is DESIRE. Along with Saturn – Rahu also rules the sign Aquarius and the sign Aquarius falls in the 11th house of Kaal Purush Kundali!
Now the obvious question would be “First marriage also has manifested out of desire – so why first marriage is not under RAHU?”
Because – FIRST is FIRST. You never were married until you married for the FIRST TIME in life! So here you are NOT crossing the line – here your desire has manifested but NOT by crossing your boundaries!
However when you fell in love with another woman – and eventually marry her by divorcing your first wife who is still NOT dead – then you are crossing your boundary and RAHU signify all that which crosses the BOUNDARY – Rahu loves all that which BREAKS THE RULES – BREAKS THE TRADITION. Rahu signify all that is considered as immoral or unethical – and when you get into extra-marital relationship with another woman – then you are certainly following on the path of RAHU! And when you get married with that woman – you have entered the RAHU DOMAIN – and that is how it is observed by many scholars and pundits that – SECOND MARRIAGE has failed many times – than the THIRD MARRIAGE!
THIRD MARRIAGE comes under the domain of Mercury!
The 3rd house in the Kaal Purush Kundali is ruled by Gemini – the sign of Mercury. And 3rd house signify the third marriage.
Many times it happens that second marriage fails but third marriage succeeds. In fact I have met men and women who have found their third marriage – a turning point of their life!
When Mercury is well -placed and Yogakaraka then third marriage works very well!
So third marriage is generally not a problem – but the real problem, the real pain point is the SECOND MARRIAGE – I call it a RAHUISH MARRIAGE – because Rahu signify Second Marriage!
From statistics and historic records – even though SECOND MARRIAGE has always been more problematic and the cause of many miseries – still there are few men who have enjoyed their SECOND MARRIAGE than the FIRST! So how that happens?
It happens when RAHU is well-placed and YOGAKARAK. So when a man has a RAHU placed in positive NAKSHTRA and the NAKSHATRA LORD is also positively placed and is also YOGAKARAK then to such a man – the second wife proves beneficial in many ways!
But the buck doesn’t stop here.
Having a positively placed RAHU and RAHU’s Naksatra Lord is first part of the story – the second part is what decides the final outcome.
“What is the second part?” asked Mohan
The second and most important part is in which ASCENDANT sign the native is born?
RAHU dislikes the DHARMA SIGNS (Zodiac Signs that signify religion).
Rahu dislikes the MOKSHA SIGNS (Zodiac signs that signify liberation).
DHARMA SIGNS are LEO, SAGGITARRIUS, ARIES
MOKSHA SIGNS are CANCER, SCORPIO, PISCES
So SECOND WIFE can prove beneficial for only those natives who are born on the following Ascendant Signs:
- TAURUS
- GEMINI
- VIRGO
- LIBRA
- CAPRICORN
- AQUARIUS
So the basic ground – the basic foundation for these 6 ascendant signs is suitable for RAHU to play its second innings (second wife). Even if RAHU placement is not great still if the ascendant is one of these six zodiac sign then somehow the native can survive the second marriage!
However the challenge of second marriage is for those who are born on the following ASCENDANT SIGNS:
- ARIES
- CANCER
- LEO
- SCORPIO
- SAGGITARRIUS
- PISCES
Now imagine if RAHU is not placed well then how terribly the native belonging to these above Ascendant signs will have to suffer in their second marriage?
Marriage is not just limited to love and sex.
Relationship is limited to love and sex. Relationship brings no responsibilities. But Marriage brings many responsibilities. And so the very basic secret of judging whether your marriage will work or not is found in the placement of Saturn in your birth chart!
Saturn means Responsibilities. You feel burdened while carrying out your responsibilities when you do a certain work or certain thing because it is your duty.
However when you do a certain thing out of LOVE – you will feel NOT burdened but rather happy and lighter!
Marriage becomes A BURDEN when you take it as a part of your DUTY. However the same Marriage can become a great source of strength, a great source of motivation when your marriage is made of that special ingredient called LOVE!
First Marriage fails. Second Marriage fails – not because LOVE fails. LOVE NEVER FAILS. Lovers fail.
First Marriage can be arranged marriage or love marriage however SECOND MARRIAGE is mostly found to be LOVE MARRIAGE and there is absolutely no second thought to this fact.
The real beauty is in exploring the THIRD MARRIAGE!
THIRD MARRIAGE is generally born out of the quest for intellectualism. You are no more interested in finding a good looking, hot and sexy partner – you are now more interested in finding a partner who can co-relate with your intellectualism, who is a good communicator, who has that mercurial flair – who is a good conversationalist – and basically one who is able to stimulate your brain with intellectual talks! It is all MERCURY – and so it may not bring sexual satisfaction but that’s fine because now – during the third marriage you are more interested in finding a partner who understands and resonates with your thought pattern!
Thought leadership, thought pattern – all of these comes under the domain of Mercury. So over all third marriage has less MASALA (spice) than the SECOND MARRIAGE!
Second marriage or second wife is full of spice – full of stories and shocks and surprises! There is always a surprise element in second marriage!
First marriage is indeed the foundation of your marriage journey! You may marry several times but the SIGNIFICANCE of first marriage always remains above all other marriages and that is indeed a fact that cannot be denied!
That is why – a KING may marry several beautiful women – but the FIRST WIFE always becomes the main consort – the main QUEEN!
Now we will see the reason of failures in marriage:
FIRST MARRIAGE FAILURE REASON:
- RAHU/KETU – MARS/VENUS placed in 7th house. OR
- Seventh house LORD’s Nakshatra Lord placed in sixth, eighth or twelfth house. OR
- Seventh house LORD’s Nakshatra Lord owns sixth, eighth or twelfth house
- SATURN’s third aspect on seventh house followed by MARS seventh or fourth aspect
- Seventh house caught between cruel evil planets of between the owners of sixth, eighth and twelfth house
Along with these primary reasons – many more reasons can become the cause of DIVORCE in FIRST MARRIAGE.
SECOND MARRIAGE FAILURE REASON:
- RAHU is not placed well and on top of that if the Ascendant sign is ARIES, CANCER, LEO, SCORPIO, SAGGITARRIUS, PISCES
- Eleventh house Lord’s Nakshatra Lord is Rahu or is placed in 12th or 6th or 8th house. So for example – Eleventh house (Gemini) Lord is Mercury. And Mercury is placed in Rahu’s Nakshatra and Rahu is in 12th, 6th, 8th then the second marriage will fail or will continue to cause troubles.
- Eleventh house is caught up between 10th and 12th house which hosts evil cruel planets.
- Saturn’s third aspect on 11th house or Mars fourth or seventh aspect on 11th house
- Eleventh house LORD’s Nakshatra Lord owns sixth, eighth or twelfth house
So apart from these there are many more reasons that can make the second marriage a nightmare!
Remind me of a beautiful incident when Prince Siddhartha (the future Gautama Buddha) decides to leave his Palace, his wife, his children and walk into the forest. It was a dark night – Prince Siddhartha asks his driver (charioteer) to leave him at the border of his kingdom. His driver’s name is Channa. And Channa loved his master – it was the most difficult moment for him – to leave the master – he was perfectly aware that once gone – the master (Prince Siddharta) is never going to return. His eyes became wet. Just as he leaves Prince Siddharta at the border of his kingdom – and the Prince gets down from his chariot – Channa says “I am just a driver, and also this is not my business to interfere. Your order is your order, so I have brought you to the boundary of your kingdom. But if you don’t mind let me say a few words. What are you doing? This is what everyone aspires to be – a Prince like you! You were born as Prince. Why are you leaving everything? Remember the Palace, remember your beautiful wife, remember your father, the kingdom, and the happiness it brings?”
Prince Siddhartha looked into the driver’s eyes and said “I cannot understand what you are talking about. I have not left any palace behind or any kingdom. I have left ONLY a nightmare. The word renunciation means you are leaving something valuable behind. I have not renounced anything. There was nothing to be renounced. The whole thing is on fire. It was a nightmare. And I thank you because you have helped me to come out of it.”
And Prince Siddhartha leaves for the beyond… Meditate on HIS words – “There was NOTHING to renounce.”
And never ever does he comes back to his kingdom. He comes only when he is totally transformed – and have become the Buddha – Gautama Buddha.
And when he comes back , the whole kingdom comes to see him, all lanes and all roads are crowded – just to have a glimpse of the man whose name has become phenomenal – whose name has been the inspiration for millions and millions – and they all came except one woman – the wife of Gautama Buddha (Prince Siddharta)!
Her name was Yashodhara. And she remained in her Palace. Of course, she was mad at him. One night without telling her – without any intimation – this man had left her. It was natural for her to not to come to welcome the man with whom the whole world was in love! But not her, she remained unmoved. Buddha arrives at the Palace. He looks around, nothing has changed, he smiles. Goes to Yashodhara and Yashodhara is very angry, almost every cell of her body is boiling in anger – and now before her is standing a man – her husband – who had left her 12 years ago – Gautama Buddha!
Now, what to say! But she said – she was so much angry that she had absolutely no resistance – she just burst out with anger and said “Couldn’t you have trusted me? You could have said that you wanted to go, and I would have been the last woman in the world to prevent you. Couldn’t you have trusted me even that much?’
And she was crying. Twelve years of anger! And this man had escaped like a thief in the middle of the night – suddenly, without giving a single hint to her.
Buddha looked into her eyes and apologized. The master has no Ego, the real master understands the pain more than anybody in this whole world!
And so Buddha apologized to her – and said “It was out of non-understanding. I was ignorant, I was not aware. But now I am aware and I know – that’s why I have come back. You have helped me tremendously. Forget those old things, now there is no point in thinking about ‘spilt milk’. Look at me! Something great has happened. I have come home. And I felt my first duty was towards you: to come, and to convey, and to share my experience with you.”
And the words were so beautiful, so true, so deep – that they moved the heart of Yashodhara – she could see that this man has really changed – that this is something else – that this man is something else – His glow, His Aura, His peace, His words – she could no more control herself, she burst out in tears, the whole palace moved – everybody came running and they all could see Yashodhara falling at the Buddha’s feet – rarely has this happened in the history of the human world – a wife ACCEPTING her Husband as her Guru! And with her tearful eyes flowing through the Buddha’s feet, she says
“ Initiate me, I want to be your disciple.”
Truth has tremendous strength – and for a man who himself is the epitome of Truth – what is not possible? Everything is possible – everything is possible! Buddha raises her and gives her a warm hugh – a new relation was born – not of husband and wife – but of master and disciple!
As long as third marriage is concerned – there is very less chance of divorce because you are already tired – you already had enough – you also cross your 40 by then and so as mentioned previously – third marriage is based on intellectualism and also since it comes under the domain of Mercury – a practical perspective is more in dominance than otherwise. In your FIRST marriage – you were excited – it always happens – when you are driving for the FIRST TIME – you are excited. Then the excitement starts fading – then you want to drive something more exciting – something more adventurous – you are attracted towards unconventional ways of life – and that is how you jump into your second marriage – the RAHUISH MARRIAGE!
And then when you get many kicks in second marriage – you still don’t give up. You marry for the third time – but this time you are not very excited – you are no more moved by the outer appearances – you are looking for certain DEPTH – certain INTELLECTUALISM – certain level of UNDERSTANDING – and so the third marriage works well than the second marriage!
NOW – let this be very clear that SECOND MARRIAGE SUCCESS or FAILURES is very subjective – though I have shared the essence of it and so don’t jump to conclusions – don’t generalize the outcomes. As mentioned – second marriage can work provided RAHU is beneficial and you are born on ASCENDANT SIGN that is suitable to RAHU in your chart.
Mohan asked “But tell me – is it necessary to get married?”
For true lovers – marriage is NOT necessary. Marriage becomes necessary when you want LEGAL COMMITMENT and when legality comes – freedom is lost! So many couples remain in ‘failed marriages ‘- they are afraid of stepping out of the wedlock – because they have made friendship with their old friend called called – MISERY.
Never suppress your feelings – never tolerate injustice – never stay in a marriage that SUFFOCATES you – never stay in a marriage that steals your FREEDOM.
LOVE blossoms only when there is FREEDOM.
Marriage is just a legal union – a validation – a legal commitment. Marriage definitely steal your freedom – because now you are in a lock – a wed-lock!
But for true lovers – marriage is not necessary. LOVE needs NO CERTIFICATION. For true lovers – legal commitment is not necessary – because LOVE itself is a commitment!
Marriage is an outcome of FEAR. The doubt – will my lover remain with me forever – gives birth to the union called MARRIAGE because MARRIAGE brings legal compulsions. Marriage is a promise of a secured future!
“Marriage is an effort to legalize love. It is out of fear. It is thinking about the future, about the tomorrows. Man always thinks of the past and the future, and because of this constant thinking about past and future, he destroys the present. And the present is the only reality there is. One has to live in the present. The past has to die and has to be allowed to die…” – Osho
In reality divorce rates are high – very high in India as well as outside India. In country like Singapore – there are many dating sites but you will rarely find a matrimonial site! That is how poor state of marriage is in Singapore!
Marriage brings compulsive commitment. LOVE brings natural commitment! There is a difference – that is why when it comes to LOVE – I always say – its different!
The logical folks may say that LOVE is BLIND – but in reality only LOVE has EYES.
One day Mohan asked “How come diehard lovers when get married – they start quarrelling and eventually step into a divorce?”
The answer is simple – as long as you are in a love relationship – there is absolutely NO legality involved – there is NO compulsion – there is NO responsibility – there is no third person other than you and your lover! So basically there is ABSOLUTE FREEDOM – and LOVE simply blossoms in the garden of FREEDOM. Before getting into the marriage wed-lock – you continue to blossom like a beautiful flower….
But when marriage happens – the flowering stops – because now many people become a part of your love relationship – (mother-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law, brother-in-law….) the list is unending – when so many ‘in-laws’ are mixed in your sweet love relationship – there is bound to be certain clashes – clashes of ego that eventually starts impacting your love relationship – and that is how many love marriages fail – when compared to arrange marriages!
Arranged marriages are pure deals. You step in an arranged marriage – with the mindset that there will be many stake holders in your marriage – and again since there is no love involved and you are complete stranger – it becomes easy to digest all that is thrown at you – after marriage!
Yesterday someone had asked “What is the secret of remaining happy and married”
It is difficult. I cannot answer this question. Jesus also cannot answer this question. Neither could Buddha nor could Mahavira. Because if they would have found the answer – then they would not have stayed unmarried!
“Jesus knew the secret of the kingdom of God, but he did not know the secret of remaining happy in marriage. He remained unmarried. Mahavira, Lao Tzu Chuang Tzu, they all remained unmarried for the simple reason that there is no secret; otherwise these people would have discovered it. They could discover the ultimate – marriage is not such a big thing, it is very shallow – they even fathomed God, but they could not fathom marriage.” – Osho
So marriage is a very shallow thing – you can jump into a shallow lake – but it is a lake, it is not a flowing river and it also lacks depth – so you may not enjoy much swimming in this shallow lake called marriage!
But many do enjoy – or they pretend to enjoy – whatever the case – the choice is yours – get married or stay unmarried – doesn’t matter really when you embark on the greatest journey – the journey within!
In fact I encourage everybody to get married – because that is how they can complete one circle – they can understand through their married life experiences on whether marriage is worth it!
Experience matters above all. You may read hundred of books about marriage – but those hundred books cannot enlighten you – you may fantasize on having a beautiful wife or a handsome husband – but all those fantasies are not worthy before you ACTUAL EXPERIENCE OF MARRIAGE!
So don’t fear of getting married – don’t fear of getting into a vicious circle of bad marriage experiences – because these bad experience can become the foundation of your life – on which you can build your tower of success!
J.K. Rowling had a very bad marriage experience – but those experiences and after going through a painful divorce – she rose to great heights of success and fame!
Always remember – each experience that you go through can and does transform you into a much evolved person – only if you are willing to learn from your experiences – only if you are willing to turn inwards and self-realize that you are NOT a pigeon but an EAGLE who dares to fly high in spite of many challenges and negative situations!
Be like an EAGLE. Remember – You are born to experience all aspects of human life because only then will you evolve – only then will you mature in the true sense!
There was a young man – he sets out in search of a real master. On his way – while walking through the forest – he stumbles upon an old man – and the old man was beneath the banyan tree – he was in his own bliss – there was something about this old man – His Glow, His Aura – but the young man could not relate with the old man’s divinity – the young man stepped ahead and said “ You look like a wanderer – you must have wandered all over the planet. Could you please tell me – where can I find my master – my Guru?”
The old man smiled. His smile was so deep – so sweet and so mysterious that the young man wondered what must be the reason for such a beautiful smile. Before he could ask – the old man said “ You guessed it right. I am a wandered and I have been through many places on this planet. I will tell you the way to find the master….you go straight and the you take right and continue to walk until you find the master.”
The young man was very happy. He thanked the old man and followed his direction….
20 years passed and still the young man was not able to find the real master – the real Guru! Devastated and disappointed – he decided to return back home….
On his way back home – he found the same old man sitting beneath the same Banyan tree. The old many had become much older but still the charm. the grace, the aura, the glow – everything was the same! Suddenly the young man realized that it is this same old man who used to appear in his dreams. For last twenty years often in his dreams he would see the same banyan tree and the same old man – was it is a sign – was it a message – the young man’s eyes were filled with tears……he realized his mistake – he rushed towards the old man – touched the old man’s feet and started crying like a child….
He said “ Why? Why you never told me that YOU are my MASTER! That you are my GURU. Why?…..”
The old man – the master opened his eyes – there was so much love – so much grace in his eyes that the young man was deeply moved. The master said “ Because you were blind. I was before you but you couldn’t recognize Me….”
The man said “But all these 20 years are wasted……”
The compassionate master smiled and said “No that is not right. Those twenty years have helped you gain the ‘EYES’ through which you have NOW recognized me. To gain these ‘EYES’ – experience was necessary. All the FAKE people and FAKE saints that you came across these twenty years have given you a new eyesight – you have matured – you have evolved and that is why it is NOW that you have recognized me. And look at me – I haven’t moved a bit – I have been waiting for you – from last twenty years!”
Listening to these deeply moving words – the man simply burst out in tears…..the master moved his hand on his back and said “Why you cry – I was always WITH YOU.”
Experiences of all kind is necessary so as to get a new EYESIGHT through which you can recognize the real and drop the fake!
In this life you will be able to CONNECT with real authentic fellows – only when you have started turning inwards – when you have started meditating with love and devotion.
Love to all my readers.
Stay blessed. And remember to meditate every day.
Jai Shri Ganesha. Jai Guru.
